I AM SORRY YOU WERE SO SAD

Your beautiful smile and lustrous brown eyes,
So filled with warmth and enticement and smoldering pain
Drew me in as a girl of thirteen
And now, as a woman of many years,
I find my own eyes filled with a new wealth of tears.

I have rediscovered your beauty
And I am mourning for the empty decades
Without the exquisiteness of your heart
And talent to share with the world,
And to share with this young girl
Who felt an awakening because of you
And a shattering because of you, too.

It is effortless and arduous both,
To find words expressive enough
To even understand for myself
How your soul touched mine
Before I even knew what it was I was feeling
And how it touches me still to remember you,
Forever in time still young and handsome,
Full of life and offering yourself to the world.

I am sorry you were so sad.
I am sorry the hearts you touched
And stirred to devotion
Weren't felt by you;
Weren't enough to embrace you
And shield you from your horrible impulse.

How cruelly you left me;
How desolately you abandoned yourself.
You shattered me; you broke my immature heart.
And my weathered heart still breaks for you now.
When I was thirteen,
My heart broke for MY loss of you.
Now it only mourns for your loss of you.
Peace, Peter. Rest well.


September 10, 2007
For Peter